I have been absent for awhile. Since about March, I have not been able to find the energy or clarity of thought to post to this blog. I am slowly recovering, but it remains to be seen if I will return to full health without any residual effects.
I got pretty angry when I realized what had happened to me…even before the diagnosis of poison, I was not happy to see my body struggle with a debilitating illness that I was not able to heal. To say it pushed a lot of buttons would be an understatement! Buttons that I thought I’d pretty well moved beyond.
I demanded to know where my protection had been…how had THEY (my guys)allowed this to happen to me!? Then I demanded that they fix it! Well, they didn’t and they aren’t going to.
The thing about poison is that it messes up not just your bodies ability to function physically, but it also drains your energy and does damage to your nerves and internal organs…worst of all, it affects your mind. Your thoughts become very fuzzy and it gets difficult to even hold a conversation. I lost my connection to my Higher Self, my angels…and my guys. So not only could I barely walk or talk, I couldn’t think straight. The quality of my life dropped to a near zero. I requested that I be allowed to leave and knew that I was to be presented with an exit in September. I confirmed that I would take it.
I shared with my significant other the decision I had made to part ways with the body that had served me so well. While not happy with it, he understood and supported me. I called my attorney and made an appointment to put all my affairs in order. I was not going to use suicide as a means of leaving this plane- although, in truth, all departures are a decision we make on some level….so all transitions could be called suicide, I suppose. I just knew the exit would present itself. I was relieved and comfortable with my decision.
That’s when I got a message from Inelia Benz- a lady I had much admired and followed. Her teachings were inspired and spoke right to me. Her reaching out to me via Facebook was a complete surprise! She insisted that I come visit her asap. Even as sick as I was I knew I had to go. I’d committed to a fairly heavy lecture schedule and was doing all I could to keep those commitments. I cancelled the ones I could, but went on to do some of the more major conferences, but I was functioning at about 10%. When it came time for me to leave for Washington state to spend a few days with Inelia, I gave serious consideration to cancelling. I had zero energy. I was numb with fatigue and wanted only to curl up in a ball to sleep forever.
But I went, even though I knew the long plane ride was going to be a challenge. Something about sitting for more than about 40 minutes does not work well with the poison flowing through my body. My extremities would swell up and start to throb. There would be sharp pains hitting in random places throughout my body- like someone was poking me in various spots with a branding iron. Then there is the burning sensation in my arms and legs. Like a really bad sunburn. But none of the physical pain amounted to anything compared to the dizziness, fatigue, foggy thoughts and overall sadness that had accompanied the loss of my life. I was confused. Why? I couldn’t understand why this had happened. I was suppose to be protected. I had kept my frequency high. I lived fearlessly- I still do not fear anything….so where did this distortion in my bodies energy field come from and why couldn’t I bring about the necessary healing? And where were my guys!?
One of the first things Inelia did when I arrived was to ask me if I knew why she had insisted I come visit her. Of course, I had no idea. You cannot imagine my surprise when she looked me in the eye and said something like, “I understand you are planning to leave.” I felt like a little kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar! She quickly said that she did not bring me here to talk me out of that decision and even understood why I might take that option. But she felt there were things I didn’t have a clear view of and before making such a final decision, I might want to see the whole picture.
We spent hours and hours talking over the next few days. Inelia was so very generous with her time and attention. I absolutely loved being in her energy.
Since the objective of this post is to bring you up to date on where I’ve been and what’s been happening, I won’t go into a lot of detail. But I know it raises more questions than it answers if I am too brief or try to skip over significant parts. So I will just say that the message Inelia had for me was to understand I was not alone. I was never alone- just as none of us are. I had lost my connection to my ET family, my soul family, my angels and my Higher Self, but that did not mean they weren’t still there. They were. And they were the ones who reached out to Inelia and asked her to intervene on my behalf. I cried with amazement and wonder when she told me that.
Now the question everyone asks eventually. Was I attacked? And this is the question I hate to even consider, as it appears to put me in the role of victim. I am eternally grateful that I had Inelia there to help me work through it. So….was I attacked? Yes. But does that make me a victim? No. I am a player in a game of good vs. evil. Light and dark. Call it what you will- it is a game of contrasts and those on the other side of the fence from me did not like my forthright, outspoken ways. They set out to silence me. I hold no malice for those who believe that is the way to best play this game. I extend only love to them….it is not in me to do otherwise. “They” did nothing to me I did not, on some level, agree to experience.
Like all things in my life, this episode of poisoning will eventually show itself to be an experience of higher learning that I could not have achieved in any other manner. I am reconnecting with my guys and my Higher Self and what I have been told was that it was an initiation. An event that I wanted to experience before leaving this 3rd…4th dimensional world of duality. When I look up the word initiation I see highlighted for me this definition: Signifying a transformation in which the initiate is “reborn” into a new role. To say I have already learned so much from this experience would be the understatement of the century.
So that is what I have been up to! I have left out huge chunks of the story, but to include the sensational, gory details is to turn it into a drama….and I have no interest in highlighting those parts of this journey. I prefer to stay focused in the Now moment as that is where I find healing and peace. I have work to do, as there are many, many who are still stuck in fear. We are about to experience some great upheavals in our world….the shattering of many illusions. I want to be there to assist those who have been too distracted to notice the changes taking place. Many will be caught unaware.
If nothing else, these past few months have cultivated in me a deeper compassion and understanding for those who are challenged by physical, mental and emotional issues. We are all ONE. We will continue to move toward the Light and away from the painful world of illusion that our fearful thoughts have created. Thank you to all the many, many, many kind and loving souls who have supported me during this time. I appreciate each & every loving thought and word expressed on my behalf….those thoughts and those energies made a difference. Make no mistake. I felt the love. And to Inelia….well, there are no words….your unselfish spirit and open heart blessed me in ways too numerous to say. I love you sweet lady….